Spike's Thoughts
by Someone's-Taken-it
Summary: This may sound nothing like Spike's thoughts, but I've done it from the angle of a soft hearted vampire, so that he sounds like he cares about being a vampire.
1. The Name

Everyday I go out and slay beasts

I'm called a lot of things, but who cares

Who notices me

I have a name

I'm the only one in my life

No-one really does

I could be called the killer

No one would notice

It's just a name

A haunting name that I have to live with

My friends don't care

The friends who don't listen to me

I don't even think they are my friends

Who cares what I think

No one

Not even me

I could get killed

No one but me would no

I hate myself

I kill mankind to save myself

That is the only way I am noticed

And I have to live with it

But I don't want to

If only people would see me for the person I really am

And not as a murderous beast


	2. The Girl

Night after Night I help you

You don't like me

I don't like you

We hate each other

And yet I help you

It's not in my nature

I'm a vampire

I kill vampires

One day I will kill myself

If I'm not careful

Or you will kill me

My life is full of death

I'm already dead

But I walk around

The living dead

Death is my way of life

I say life but I am dead

It makes no sense

To anyone

Not even to you

Slayer

Or to me


	3. The Boy

I may be stronger than you

I may seem to always have the upper hand

But I don't

You get to live life

All I get is death

I cause death to stay alive

I cause death to stay dead

On earth

Being cursed in such a way

I'd prefer to be in hell

I see you and think one thing

Idiot - Who can live life

You see me

What do you think

Nothing

You think everything is fine in my life

You don't see the pain and suffering

I have go through

Nothing special about us to men

Except

I am a vampire

You are a human

Special isn't the right word

Different is good

Same would be better

For me


	4. The Witch

Look at yourself

Magic is what you have

You have magic

You have love

I used to have love

I don't now

What do you have that I don't

Tell me!

Tell me even though I already know

A heart the pumps blood around you

No fangs

No killing people to eat

Why must I be surrounded by humans

People who torment me

Without knowing it

You though

You have an extra quality

A quality that I would use more than you

You don't see what I see

You see a vampire

Who has no life to live

I see a vampire

Who wants a life to live

So I can be free

Free to go out into the sunlight

The nearest thing I get to that

Is you red hair

Dazzling my eyes

So I can't see

That's as close as I will get


	5. The Man

You know so much about what I am

And not about who I am

Your intelligent

Can't you find a way to help me

To end my cursed

Way of living

In Shadows

No natural light

No real home to live in

Just a crypt

You read so amny books

You of all people should know

What I should do

Free me

Free me from this place

Let me live a new life

An not make mistakes like I have done

I want to be freed

All I want is FREEDOM

Give me it now

End my life

Or I will end yours

Find a way to set me free

You should know what I want

Even if no other vampire would want it

You will become like me one day

Dead

But I will probably still be walking along

A lonely road which I'm walking along now

Right at this moment


	6. The Vampire

You and I are similar

But very different

I want to be human

Or at least alive

You

I have no idea

You don't want to be evil

You want to keep your soul

We two vampires stand side by side

Even you have a loved one

Even she knows it

No one is bothered about me

Compared to you I am a tramp

I live alone

Help your loved one kill vampires

And demons

You don't care

You kill your own kind

Like me

But you only care about her

Even when she doesn't know you are there

You are close by

Waiting for the right moment

To tell her how you really feel

Deep inside you

You are no Angel

You are a demon

Just a demon in disguise

Everyone knows that really

Like me

For I am just the same

Demon in disguise

Painful to think about who I really am

Painful to think no-one knows who I am


	7. Love

I want to love someone

I want to hold someone

And say…I love you

I know what love is

I know how it feels

Mentally and physically

Pet names

I miss those

Bedroom scenes

I miss those the most

I will never see another person again

At least not in a love way

I feel sad

And lonely

So many lovers

Couples

Love birds

Newly weds

Old weds

Girlfriends

Boyfriends

Crushes

Affairs

I'm surrounded

By people in love

Ah

Isn't it nice to see myself trapped

In a place where I can't do anything

But see the things that I want

To see what I want

But can't grasp it in my hands

I want to love people like I used to love

Because I was in love with them


	8. The End of the Vampire

All is quiet

Not a sound

I stand here holding it

The thing that I will use to free myself

A stake

I placed it against my heart

Tempting myself to push it in

Through my heart

I wonder what it will be like

Starting again

Not to be a vampire

I thought about what would happen

Maybe I would see what everyone one thought of me

The stake was hurting against my skin

I pulled it away

I had one shot at ending everything

I held it as far away as possible

I pulled it back quickly and…

…I missed


End file.
